What Is a Kickback Party (and How to Host One)

A kickback is a small, casual get-together with a few people you like, and it's smaller and calmer than a party.

That's the whole definition. There's no theme, no program, and nobody is dressing up. You invite a handful of friends over, put out snacks, and hang out. The word comes from "kick back," as in relax.

Here's how a kickback differs from a party, and how I'd host one.

What is a kickback party?

A kickback is a low-key gathering of a few friends, usually at someone's home, with no agenda beyond hanging out.

People use the word for movie nights, game nights, a few friends on a patio, or a couple of people on your couch with food on the table. The vibe is the point. Nobody is "hosting an event." You're just having people over.

A few things make something a kickback:

• It's small. Think a handful of people, not a crowd.
• It's casual. Sweatpants are welcome.
• It's loose. There's no schedule, no speeches, and no big moment.
• It's with people you already know. You're not trying to meet anyone new.

Kickback vs party

A party is bigger, planned and meant to mix people together. A kickback is smaller, relaxed and meant to let people who already like each other hang out.

Neither one is better. They do different jobs.

If you want to catch up with close friends, host a kickback. If you want to meet new people or bring different friend groups together, you need a bit more structure, and that's what I teach in my book. I use name tags and rounds of intros for any gathering where the guests don't all know each other. I wouldn't use them at a family reunion or a toddler's birthday, where every parent already knows every other parent. A kickback of old friends falls in that same bucket.

How to host a kickback

Pick a small list of people, text them a day and a time, put out simple snacks, and let the night run loose. Here's how I'd do it.

1. Keep the list small

A kickback works best when everyone can be in one conversation. For a dinner, I say you want a minimum of four and a maximum of six people. Priya Parker, who wrote The Art of Gathering, says that once you hit eight or more at a table, the conversation splits into several side conversations.

A couch and a coffee table behave like a small table. Aim for a group that can all talk to each other, and you'll avoid the "two conversations and one person on their phone" problem.

2. Host at home

Your home is the best place for a kickback. I tell new hosts the same thing about any gathering. When you invite someone into your home, it is so giving and vulnerable and special.

Your place doesn't have to be big, either. A small space often works better. A small house or apartment makes noise, and that noise creates energy. When you have that, it's easier for you as a host, and you have to do less hosting.

If you're worried your place is too small, read my guides on hosting in a small apartment and organizing a small party at home.

3. Pick a start time and an end time

Even a casual get-together works better with a time on it. Put a start and an end in the invite. "Saturday, 7 to 10."

Here's why. When people know the end time, it's an easy yes. It's a small space in their calendar. They also show up closer to on time, instead of guessing whether "around 7" means 7 or 8:30.

For a kickback you can make the window longer than the two hours I use for my parties. Two to three hours is plenty. The point is that people can plan around it, and you aren't stuck hosting until 2 a.m. on a Tuesday.

4. Keep the food simple

Put out a few easy snacks and drinks and stop there. I'd rather my guests leave hungry than bored. My friends are adults, so they can feed themselves.

My own repeatable list is chips and guacamole, grapes and sodas. Keep yours just as boring. If you keep it low effort, you'll do it again next month. If it takes your whole weekend, you'll do it once.

This is what I call the minimum viable party. The biggest benefits come to people who make hosting a habit, not to people who throw one huge blowout.

5. Put on music that stays out of the way

You don't need a playlist. The biggest mistake you can make is building a custom playlist. It's generally a waste of time. You want the music to warm the room, but not to impede conversation.

Put on something upbeat and happy, and lean toward instrumental if you can. Occasionally I just put on a Beach Boys playlist and leave it alone. Keep the volume low enough that people can talk.

6. Give it one easy thing to do

This is the only extra step I'd add. A kickback with nothing to do can fizzle, so keep one low-pressure option within reach. A deck of cards, a board game or a movie queued up all work. I have a list of party games if you want ideas.

Don't force it. If people just want to talk, let them talk.

7. If people don't know each other, say so

Sometimes a kickback is a mix. You invite your friend, your friend's roommate and a coworker. In that case, add a small bit of structure.

I talked to a kid who was hosting a brunch for about 20 people and worried name tags would feel too formal. I asked him, "Do you know everybody's name?" He said, "Yeah, of course." I asked, "Does everybody else know everybody's name?" He said, "Oh. No. No, I guess not."

If your group is mixed, name tags take care of that problem in a few seconds.

How to invite people to a kickback

Send a short text with the day, the time and a line that says it's casual. Here's one you can copy:

Kickback at my place Saturday, 7 to 10. Low key. I'll have snacks and drinks. Let me know if you're in!

For a handful of friends, that's all you need. If the group is bigger, or you want people to RSVP in one place, I use Mixily. It makes an event page people can RSVP to and sends updates and reminders to your guests.

When a kickback turns into a party

If your kickback keeps growing, it has become a party, and that's fine. You'll want a bit more planning when it does.

For a bigger group at home, my guide to hosting 15 people for $100 covers the budget side. If your place can't hold the crowd, I ranked 12 places to have a party.

A kickback is also a good first step. One kickback can lead to the next. I think of it like a friendship funnel. A larger happy hour casts a wide net, and then you invite the people you clicked with to something smaller, like a poker night. A kickback is that smaller step.

FAQ

Try one this month

Pick four or five people, text them a day and a time, and buy some chips. That's a kickback.

If it goes well, put the next one on the calendar before everyone leaves.