I once paid $8,000 to attend a conference and left frustrated.
Nobody had given us a way to know who else was there. The host wanted to be the cool host and let people figure it out naturally. So I met the people I randomly bumped into. That's what happens at most networking events, and it's why most of them are terrible.
You can't fix the event as a guest. But you can stop leaving it up to luck. Here are the habits I use.
The short version
Show up on time. Wear the name tag and use other people's names. Join groups by saying "please continue." Ask one good question. Leave a conversation by adding the person on LinkedIn or Instagram. And get the follow-up on the calendar before you walk out.
The rest of this page is how each one works.
1. Go, even when you don't feel like it
The first tip is just getting through the door.
This happens to me too. I'll have an invite and think, man, I don't want to go. It's late in the day. I've had a hard day. It takes too much work.
But I drag myself to the event. Sure enough, I have at least one interesting conversation, and I'm always glad I went. That's the bar. You don't need to work the whole room. You need one good conversation.
2. Show up on time
Arrive on time or a minute early. This is my most controversial tip, and I stand by it.
You get two things. First, more time with the host. An hour in, the host is in damage control mode and their head is not in the game on creating connections. Second, you see the party form around you.
I find it very intimidating to walk into a loud, crowded room as an outsider. Then I'm expected to go from zero to 100 social. Arriving early lets me start slower and build up momentum.
Pro tip: When you get there, ask the host how you can help. Offer to serve drinks as people arrive, or to take a few candid photos and send them later that night. Hosts forget to take photos at their own events, and you've just become the most useful person in the room.
For more on the arrival math, I wrote about how to mingle at a party, including when to arrive and how to start talking to strangers.
3. Wear the name tag and use it
A name tag is the best thing that can happen to you at a networking event, so wear it where people can see it.
I'm bad with names, which is why I started using them. I once went to a fancy party in New York and a woman who ran a company came running up to me. She said, "Nick, oh my God, it's so good to see you." I froze. She waited. I said, "Hello, you!" It was awkward, and a name tag would have saved me.
So read other people's tags and say their names. As Dale Carnegie says, it's one of the sweetest sounds to hear your own name.
If the event has no name tags, write your first name on a sticker anyway. For the full case, here's why name tags work.
4. Start with a friendly opener
You need something easy to say to a stranger. Mine isn't clever.
When I first moved to New York, I didn't have many friends. I read somewhere that you can walk up to a group and ask, "Hey, what's up, are you guys friendly?" It's such a stupid thing to say. But it kind of works. You'd have to be a real jerk to say no.
If that feels like too much, a plain "Hi, I'm Nick" next to the snack table does the same job.
5. Join a group with two words
To join a conversation that's already going, walk up and say "please continue."
That's it. You're signaling you don't need them to stop and introduce everybody. You'll wait for a natural break and they'll work you in. Then introduce yourself when it makes sense.
I watched this at one event. People kept arriving at staggered times, and every arrival broke the conversation. Everybody had to stop and say hello. Two words fix that.
If you spot someone standing alone, wave them over. Say, "Hey, please come on over, here's what we're talking about."
Grab the free 2-page party checklist.
6. Ask one good question
The best networking question is the one the other person hasn't heard before.
Ask someone a really good question and it makes them feel smarter. They get to shine. If I meet somebody from a different industry, I'll ask, "What's something about your industry that most people don't know?"
I'll be honest, it's hard to manufacture questions like that, and I'm not so good at it. So don't force it. The point is to be genuinely curious. And skip the standard "so what do you do?" if you can.
If you want a list, I keep one of conversation topics that work. And if you're running a round of questions yourself, here are 7 icebreaker questions for networking events and my notes on icebreakers for networking events, meetings and more.
7. Leave a conversation by adding them
Most people are good at starting conversations and bad at ending them. You can end one in under ten seconds.
My easiest exit is to ask, "Are you on social media?" They'll say LinkedIn or Instagram. I say, "I'd love to add you, can I add you real quick?" I add them right there.
That's a way of seeing them. It says I like you, I'm adding you now. Then it's simple to wrap it up. I say, "It was really nice talking to you, I'm going to go mix and mingle."
I'll add anybody, so I don't think too much about it. More exits, including a few that don't involve your phone, are in my guide to mingling at a party.
8. Book the follow-up before you leave
This is the tip most people skip. If you want coffee or a call with someone, ask for it at the event.
Don't tell yourself you'll follow up in a few days. It doesn't matter how good the event was. Their life goes on, and you're no longer a priority.
So when I want to see someone, I say something like this:
I'd really love to chat more. Can I call you tomorrow for 15 minutes? Let's get it on our calendar right now.
Scheduling over email is a nightmare. Back and forth, back and forth. It's much easier when the person is standing in front of you.
If you can't pin it down at the event, send a couple of emails the next morning. That's your best fallback.
9. Add value before you ask for anything
Think about how you can add value before you take value.
Never send someone a message that says, "I'd love to pick your brain, I'm looking for a mentor." That's take, take, take.
Say you want to connect with someone you met. Find something useful for them. If they mentioned a book, send a link to a newer one by the same author. People who get value first are much more likely to help you back.
If the host sends guest bios, read them
Some hosts send a short write-up of who's coming. I call these guest bios, and I use them as a host because they give shy guests something to talk about before they arrive.
As a guest, read them. You'll walk in knowing who to find and what to ask. If your event doesn't send them, ask the organizer whether there's an attendee list.
FAQ
What do you do at a networking event?
Arrive on time, put on your name tag, and aim for one good conversation. Join groups with "please continue," ask one curious question, and exit by adding the person on LinkedIn. Before you leave, schedule any follow-up you want.
How do you start a conversation at a networking event?
Keep it simple. Walk up to a person or a small group and ask if they're friendly, or just say your name. Read their name tag and use it. You don't need a clever line.
How do you network if you're an introvert?
Show up on time. It's much less intimidating to watch the room fill than to walk into a loud crowd. Ask the host how you can help, which gives you a job and a reason to talk to people. Aim for one good conversation, not twenty.
How do you leave a conversation politely?
Ask if they're on social media and add them on the spot. Then say it was nice talking and that you're going to go mix and mingle. You've acknowledged them, so it doesn't feel like an escape.
When should you follow up after a networking event?
At the event itself, if you can. Ask to get a call on the calendar while they're standing in front of you. If you can't, email them the next morning.
Your move
Pick two of these before your next event. I'd start with arriving on time and booking the follow-up.
If you're tired of events that leave everything to chance, host your own. I wrote a step-by-step guide on how to host a networking event. Send people an event page they can RSVP to with Mixily, and tell them why they're coming.
Good luck. This will be fun.
