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How to Become A Super Connector

Last updated: March 27, 2024

Super connectors have incredible networks. They seem to know everybody in town and can make any meeting or introduction happen.

The secret is that you can become a super connector! When I first moved to New York City, I hardly knew anyone. I attended networking events and other parties, but I never did well. The networking events got a bad reputation since they felt slimy and transactional.

I found that I could host my own events to build my network.

I’ll teach you everything I’ve learned, as well as tips and tricks for becoming a super connector (also sometimes referred to as “superconnectors” with no space) in your own community. That includes:

  • What is a Super Connector?
  • Meet Marc, a Super Connector
  • Lessons Learned
  • How to Become a Super Connector
Why you should listen to me: My name is Nick Gray. I’ve hosted hundreds of networking events and cocktail parties for people all across the world. Doing this allowed me to understand how to become a super connector. The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times wrote about me, and I’ve started and sold two multi-million dollar companies.

What is a Super Connector?

A super connector is someone who knows many people in their town or community. They seem to be connected to all types of people, including local politicians, real estate agents, lawyers, salespeople, and more.

A super connector is a highly valued individual because they know many types of people and can create new connections easily. They always seem to find what you need.

Meet Marc, a Super Connector

For this post, I interviewed someone who is a super connector in Austin, Texas.

Marc Nathan is an attorney who advises startups and mentors entrepreneurs through Texas accelerators. He hosts regular events in Austin like the Open Coffee Club Austin and Wake Up! CPG.

MARC
Marc Nathan, a super connector

Lessons Learned

Here’s Marc’s advice to become a super connector.

Q: What advice would you give to someone who wants to become a super connector?

A: First off, I don’t give advice, I just give opinions. And in my opinion, the most important thing is that you genuinely care about people and their success. Then it becomes clear about what you should be doing to help them. Hosting events is of course a great way to meet a ton of people and have them interested in meeting you as well. Better yet, introduce people to each other when both of them would actually benefit from knowing the other person.

Q: When is the best time to host your own events?

A: I find that 2-hour morning coffee meetings are better than happy hours. Usually between 8:30-10:30 am. Once people get to the age where they have a family, they prefer to go home to their family instead of your event. Also, hosting your events consistently at the same time, day of the week, and location helps.

Q: How do you make sure someone wants to be connected with another person?

A: I ask both people if they would like me to introduce them to the other person. This acts as a double opt-in before I make an introduction. Sometimes people don’t want to meet the other person. One time I accidentally connected two CEOs of competing medical companies, and they were not happy with me. After that, I have always made sure both parties are interested before I connect them.

Q: How has connecting people benefited your business?

A: Well Nick as you know, providing value before you take it is crucial. But I have received hundreds of thousands in business referrals over the years from hosting events and being a super connector.

Marc with a friend
Marc with a friend

Q: When you go to other people’s parties/events, what do you do to set yourself apart from the rest of the attendees?

A: I stand at the front door or check-in booth and talk to a bunch of people and kind of act as a host. I never claim to be the host, it’s just when I see someone who looks lost, I talk to them and connect them with someone at the event. It’s also important to note that it takes a lot to convince a solo woman to go to an event. Making them feel as comfortable as possible is a win.

Q: How do you learn more about someone?

A: Empathize with them. Everyone’s job or life is difficult for them, so help them maintain their dignity. You should mention that whatever keeps them busy “must be challenging.” Then ask them, “What is the hardest part about their job?” People also love being on the inside of things, so ask them, “What’s an insider secret of that job?”

Marc with someone new
Marc deep in conversation at an event

Q: What are a few of your favorite questions to ask people?

A: In Austin, we have three common questions:

  • “How long have you been here?”
  • “What brings you to this event?”
  • “What’s your favorite breakfast taco?”

Here’s my favorite question: “What keeps you busy?” This is a very aspirational question that I frequently use.

Q: Do you have any tips for remembering people’s names?

A: As a matter of fact, that is my superpower! The first step to remember anyone’s name is to believe that you are great at remembering names. If by chance you did not catch their name when they tell you, ask them to repeat it. If it is a foreign name, ask them to pronounce it or spell it. You can even take this a step further and remember their kids’ names.

How to Become a Super Connector

Anyone can do it in your industry. All you have to do is start connecting people.

In this section, I’ve compiled what I’ve learned from connecting people, along with the advice Marc gave me.

Make Hosting a Habit

The biggest benefits from networking come when you can make hosting a habit.

Remember: Successful people do consistently what other people only do occasionally.

The biggest super connectors that I know regularly host little happy hours, networking events, meetups, and dinner parties.

But they have figured out a formula to make it easy.

And the funny thing is: it’s super affordable! Almost anyone can do it. The best events are never fancy or over-the-top.

What matters is that you have to do it consistently. And then you will become known as someone who hosts events.

As a result, you’ll be introduced to more people. You will become a hub for new connections. You will naturally become someone who builds your network in a positive, authentic manner.

marc helping
Marc helping someone get their name tag at one of his events

Attend Other People’s Parties

Not the kind of parties that are centered around drinking, but the kind of parties that are centered around meeting new people. These are usually dinner parties, cocktail parties, coffee meetups, and networking events.

Follow these steps to impress the host of any party you attend:

  • Show up early
  • Ask the host how you can be helpful
  • Volunteer to help with name tags
  • Take photos and send them to the host
  • Send follow-up emails that night

Following up with people is a huge way to build and maintain strong relationships

Example follow-up email:

Dear name,

It was great to meet you tonight!

We talked about XXX.

Let me know if I can ever help you with XXX.

Here’s my phone number XXX.

The objective here is to get close to other super connectors.

Be a Standout Person

People are busy and don’t have the time to remember everyone they meet.

So whenever you meet new people, stand out by doing this:

  • Ask interesting questions about themselves
  • Remember their name
  • Offer to help them with something
  • Follow-up
  • Establish rapport

The favorite subject of every single person in the world is: themselves. Remember this, and you will make tons of connections.

Conclusion

I believe that networking starts in your community, and I’ve figured out a pretty good formula to kick-start becoming a super connector.

By putting these lessons into practice and honing your networking skills, you can become a super connector in your own community and help facilitate meaningful connections that can benefit everyone involved.

Try the tips and tricks mentioned above by Marc and watch yourself transform to become a super connector in your own community. That includes:

  • What is a Super Connector?
  • Meet Marc, a Super Connector
  • Lessons Learned
  • How to Become a Super Connector

Thanks to Marc Nathan for advice about this article. Check out his company, T-Squared Agency and their newsletter.

My name is Nick Gray, and I am thrilled to be the author of The 2-Hour Cocktail Party. It is the ultimate guide to hosting a killer shindig! I’m talking about a book that will have you throwing the most amazing parties for any occasion in no time. The best part? It’s the perfect tool for helping you to make some new friends and create unforgettable memories.

When is your party? Send me an email and I will give you some bonus tips, including a pre-party checklist that you can print out. Plus I’ll answer any question you have, free of charge. I love talking about parties and I’m on a mission to help 500 people host their first party.

Leave a comment on this article here.

About the author

Nick Gray is the author of The 2-Hour Cocktail Party. He’s been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and in a popular TEDx talk. He sold his last company Museum Hack in 2019. Today he’s an expert on networking events, small parties, and creating relationships. Read more about Nick Gray here.

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